I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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