I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
