dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize