Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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