I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
