I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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