I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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