I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
