One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he fucked my hip out of place.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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