somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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