I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize