Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
