Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
