I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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