I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
