ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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