I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
