i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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