the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
