just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
