It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
