found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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