Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
