yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
