hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
