i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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