so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
