My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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