There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
