I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
