I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
