I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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