I should be sponsored by Trojan
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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