Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
