I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize