I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
