i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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