So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
