Where did you get a picture of my penis
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
