You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
