I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can I color on your dick again?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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