this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
