Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
