I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
