It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you win again, gameday.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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