Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
