As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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