yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
