Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
