When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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