he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You don't make any sense
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