Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
