I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
