Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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