I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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