Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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