i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
