the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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