we have pet lesbian snakes
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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