Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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