I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
