I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
