If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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