I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
