How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
