OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
