ugly people sure do ruin things
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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