I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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