she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
