Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
