I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
