My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
