I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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