That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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