i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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