Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
