Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
