It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize