Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
