She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
