I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
