Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
