Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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