oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
